Monday, February 21, 2011

So I have been having a lot of 'aha' moments lately and its been great. God is opening my eyes to so many things. At church we have been studying the book of Galations and yesterday was one of those moments where a lot of the past year and a half fell into place for me. Some of you know this, some dont, but I really battled through my dating and engagement to DR. I was soo enslaved by this fear of 'falling out of God's will' or of missing God's voice in it. In order to fully grasp this I have to start at the beginning...

 After me and DR broke up in 2008 my life changed. God FOUND me. For so long I was trying to find 'IT'. I went to church my entire life. Went to a Christian school, had a Christian family and Christian friends. I never ever doubted God existing or even really being a loving God to those around me, but I doubted it could be real for me. I prayed 'the prayer' thousands (literally) of times, but nothing clicked for me. I wanted someone to tell me what I could do to find this joy that I knew to be real. Anyways, without getting too much into my story, because really its not about me anyways as I am finally realizing, God found me without me even trying in January of 2008. For so long I didn't even realize what had happened. My heart was just being put back together after a really hard break up. It was the hardest, but one of the sweetest times of my life.

OK now fast forward almost two years. I had it all going for me. I thought that I had figured God out. This God in a box would be pleased with me as long as I continued to 'walk in His will' and not get wrapped up in my idol all over again (boys) DR came back in the picture and it was truly by divine leading that it all came together but I was too afraid to open my eyes to what the Lord was doing. See, in my expectations of a Christian whom God was well pleased with I thought the dating thing would look exactly like A+B=perfect christian marriage. Because of MY expectations of myself and because we did not always live up to them, I became enslaved by my fear. Fear that maybe I wasn't supposed to be in this or what if God doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. It was pretty awful and I was too blinded to see that "this kind of persuasion did NOT come from the one who has called me" Galations 5:8 This is exactly what happened to the church in Galatia. Their expectation for themselves was circumcision which really just meant religious rules. Paul is writing to them, BEGGING them to stand firm in the freedom that was given to them and to not become enslaved all over again by weak and religious principles. We do this soo much! Even after Christ saves us we try to make it about us and what we can do, when really it is all about Jesus Christ and what he has done!! 


Reading through Galations has really opened my eyes to the fact that I am set free, PERIOD. There is nothing more I can do to add to it, and better yet, there is nothing I can do to take away from it. The work on the cross was plenty enough for us. I guess I am just starting to realize that I was so deceived by the evil one during that time. I thought I had to figure 'IT' out again when Jesus had already redeemed me by his sweet love and mercy. "If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed" John 8:36 Praise the Lord!

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