TRUTH

W.O.W it has been a while! Actually my last blog was pretty intense, during a pretty intense time so it probably looks like I decided to peace out on everything- but I didn't. This has just been a season of questioning for me. Not bad questioning, just really wanting to know who God is. Who he is truly, not just who I think he is, or my pastor says he is, or my family's/friend's view on Him. While these are all good things and I believe God uses them to mold us, at some point he wants us to jump. I mean really jump and decide for ourselves the 'who do you say that I Am' question. This was his question to his disciples. What is encouraging to me about this is that its not like they had just met Jesus and he is randomly asking 'so who do you think i am?' This is after they had walked with God in the FLESH. And He still asks them '..BUT who do YOU say that I am?' He wants us to ask ourselves this question! It's like he has been whispering in my ear "hey kelsey…Forget all of your preconceived notions. I want to blow them out of the water. I am bigger than you could ever hope to imagine. Just keep seeking me and you will find." I know there is more that he has for me but we all know that the unknown is scary so it has been a process to step out and walk in what he unveils. There has also been some confusion- which you can expect when you are praying for a 'cleanout' of the closet of your brain and asking him to only keep the truth, to rip out all of the lies and the incorrect teaching and give me wisdom. Basically it is a journey, and as DR reminded me tonight its a RELATIONSHIP. And ALL relationships take work. Ha as he put it in a nutshell…"Kelsey we spend literally 24 hours a day together (which we do, considering we now work together and ride together to work most days) and we bicker and argue even when we have nothing to be arguing about. We are in relationship and it is not easy. So many times we treat God's word like a dripping faucet, only going to it when it's convenient and expect to be filled by His spirit and truth, when really we need to treat it like a waterfall, constantly filling us and refreshing us." amen. And this is an exciting place to be.

Thank you Jesus for your furious pursuit of me.

Blessed be your name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cAvqByM1Fk

This song is what I am clinging to right now. Me and DR have just gone through something extremely tough. I may blog about it in detail later if I feel led but for now I will leave it at that. Since we got the news all I could think of was "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord" This is so true. Who are we to tell the maker of the universe how we want our lives to run. For He knows me far better than I know myself and he knows that "the testing of my faith will develop perseverance." Over this past week I have been painfully reminded that this life is temporary, a holding place until we are with our saviour and he will 'wipe away every single tear I have cried'. Jesus says that 'in this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world' I know that the hard stuff in this life is serving a purpose. The Lord never lets our pain go for nothing. He promises to make 'beauty from ashes' and to be near to us when our hearts are breaking. I also have been flipping through the book of Job and I have to say like Job did- if I can receive blessing from my Lord and good times, should I not receive the hard times that are used to deepen my faith? Praise the Lord that we have a high priest who can sympathize with every single one of our weaknesses. He has been here. He took on our form and walked through pain and suffering so He could understand everything we feel. I know God has a good and perfect plan. Next time you go through something really tough, remind yourself that God is working it for good.."You meant to harm me but God meant it for good, what is now being done-the saving of many lives" What an amazing promise. Our pain could be a vessel which someone comes to know Jesus. To that I say it is worth it. This life and all it has to offer, does not surpass the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ. Here I am, a broken and wounded soldier, wrapped in the Peace of God that goes past all human understanding. For those of you who know and who have been praying- thank you! We can feel the prayers and feel the Mighty one holding us up in his hands. Blessed be His name. Amen

I've been MIA for a while. I spilled water on our brand new lap top so it is not working at this time. Anyways I wanted to get some thoughts out. I am in the midst of uncertainty. I feel overwhelmed at times and just freaked out at others. Through it all I FEEL God soo near. What a blessing! When something scary or uncertain happens our first instinct is to question God or even be angry with Him, which I have gone through both, but the amazing thing is that he can handle it and he just wraps His arms around us even tighter when we are fighting Him. What a sweet and merciful God we serve. I don't have much today but I just felt led to send out these words. The Lord is NEAR. He saves those who are broken hearted and crushed in spirit. He comforts us in all our troubles so we can in turn comfort others in their trials. He longs to be gracious to us and He rises to show us compassion.
Father, who is man that you are mindful of us? To You alone be the glory Lord. Amen and amen.

Waves of this life

I woke up this morning with a heaviness. I actually had a dream about some things from the past and it really got to me. Its amazing how something like a dream, at least for me, can get into your being and just really start to effect you as the morning comes. Anyways it caused me to really get in the word and ask God to take back this day and so comes this little blog of insight I have gained from Him….


This marks a week that I have been in the bed from a slipped disc in my back so I have been through all of the emotions. From feeling sorry for myself, to thinking I will never be normal again. It just has been so easy to get overwhelmed and to take my eyes off of Jesus. I don't say this lightly or in a cliche way. Stuff like this can just really get to you and take over your thought process if you allow it to. This is so easy to do in our everyday life, even when no sickness or tragedy strikes. It can be something like our marriage, our living situation, our insecurities, or fill in the blank. Any time we take our eyes off of Jesus and focus on the 'waves' around us, we are in trouble. Its exactly what happened to Peter when the disciples were stuck in the middle of the storm. Jesus came walking out on the water to be with them and Peter said 'Lord if its really you, tell me to come' Jesus did and Peter stepped out of the boat, on top of water! Literally. However, the second he took his eyes off of Jesus he began to sink. It says that IMMEDIATELY Jesus reached out his hand and pulled Peter up. I love that. It wasn't after Peter confessed that he was afraid and that he took his eyes of his Lord. Jesus just reached right into his mess and pulled him to safety. I am just overwhelmed with this picture today. It is so easy in this world to take our eyes off of the one who holds all of this together and focus on our problem or what we are battling with. Me and DR have this thing - well mainly DR does this for me haha- but whenever we feel the other one going down the slope of self-pitty and 'freak out mode' we call each other on it and try to remind the other one of Jesus and the hope He has. It is actually pretty annoying when all you want is to get people on board for why your situation really is the worst or why things would be so much better if only ______ blank would happen. It is so necessary though. The world wants us to buy into the lie that things are better over there, or once this happens I will be so much happier. There is nothing in this world that will fulfill like Jesus Christ. I don't say that as one who has figured it all out, but as one who is longing to grasp this truth I KNOW is real. The prince of this world would love nothing more than to distract us with the waves- the problems around us, no matter how big or small- and take our eyes off of the only one who can fill our void and fix our problem. Today I am led to the prayer Paul prayed in Ephesians. This is a really neat version:

Ephesians 3:16-19 (Amplified Bible)

¹⁶May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality].
    ¹⁷May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love,
    ¹⁸That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God's devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it];
    ¹⁹[That you may really come] to know [practically, ^[a]through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses^[b]mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] ^[c]unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and ^[d]become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!


Amen :)

So I have been having a lot of 'aha' moments lately and its been great. God is opening my eyes to so many things. At church we have been studying the book of Galations and yesterday was one of those moments where a lot of the past year and a half fell into place for me. Some of you know this, some dont, but I really battled through my dating and engagement to DR. I was soo enslaved by this fear of 'falling out of God's will' or of missing God's voice in it. In order to fully grasp this I have to start at the beginning...

 After me and DR broke up in 2008 my life changed. God FOUND me. For so long I was trying to find 'IT'. I went to church my entire life. Went to a Christian school, had a Christian family and Christian friends. I never ever doubted God existing or even really being a loving God to those around me, but I doubted it could be real for me. I prayed 'the prayer' thousands (literally) of times, but nothing clicked for me. I wanted someone to tell me what I could do to find this joy that I knew to be real. Anyways, without getting too much into my story, because really its not about me anyways as I am finally realizing, God found me without me even trying in January of 2008. For so long I didn't even realize what had happened. My heart was just being put back together after a really hard break up. It was the hardest, but one of the sweetest times of my life.

OK now fast forward almost two years. I had it all going for me. I thought that I had figured God out. This God in a box would be pleased with me as long as I continued to 'walk in His will' and not get wrapped up in my idol all over again (boys) DR came back in the picture and it was truly by divine leading that it all came together but I was too afraid to open my eyes to what the Lord was doing. See, in my expectations of a Christian whom God was well pleased with I thought the dating thing would look exactly like A+B=perfect christian marriage. Because of MY expectations of myself and because we did not always live up to them, I became enslaved by my fear. Fear that maybe I wasn't supposed to be in this or what if God doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. It was pretty awful and I was too blinded to see that "this kind of persuasion did NOT come from the one who has called me" Galations 5:8 This is exactly what happened to the church in Galatia. Their expectation for themselves was circumcision which really just meant religious rules. Paul is writing to them, BEGGING them to stand firm in the freedom that was given to them and to not become enslaved all over again by weak and religious principles. We do this soo much! Even after Christ saves us we try to make it about us and what we can do, when really it is all about Jesus Christ and what he has done!! 


Reading through Galations has really opened my eyes to the fact that I am set free, PERIOD. There is nothing more I can do to add to it, and better yet, there is nothing I can do to take away from it. The work on the cross was plenty enough for us. I guess I am just starting to realize that I was so deceived by the evil one during that time. I thought I had to figure 'IT' out again when Jesus had already redeemed me by his sweet love and mercy. "If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed" John 8:36 Praise the Lord!

Lovely day

I am sitting on my couch with a cup of hot coffee, rain drizzling outside, music playing, and a warm blanket. What could be better? That is probably my favorite thing ever. This is my 'God' time. I think everyone has something they do consistently to spend time with God or something that is unique to them that allows them to 'feel' God. DR takes baths (as many of you already know this) He has done this since college but now this is his main way of spending time with God. He takes his bible into the bathroom and shuts the door. I have another friend who goes on drives with music blaring to get in communication with God. Another one literally pulls up a chair next to her on her back porch and just talks to God, like he is physically sitting next to her. I think it's so great that everyone has different ways of being in the presence of the Lord, outside of church and other 'God' activities. I think it also shows how personal our God is. He meets each of us in our uniqueness and doesn't ask us to follow a strict regimen in order to be in his presence. I think being with God in your element and doing things you enjoy is just as important as being in his word. He desires to meet with us. I remember a Younglife speaker once relating it to how he fathered his children. He said when he got home from work he always had 'blanket time' with his young kids, where he got down on their level and just played. He told us that this is not only what God did when he sent Jesus, but what he continues to do daily in his children's lives. He gets down on the blanket, in our mess, and just loves on us. Take some time today to just 'be' with God. If you have grown weary of the daily routine of life, and don't know how to return, just start by learning how to enjoy God again. He is waiting :)

We are set FREE!

So me and DR recently started attending a new church. We found out about it because the pastor-Brad- teaches DR's bible study on Friday mornings. He is very gifted and speaks straight from the Word so its been amazing. This is a huge answer to prayer because we have been asking God to place us in a church where we can be on board with the vision and both grow together and separately in our faith. Anyways, we have been moving through Galatians and let me tell you-this is EXACTLY what I have needed to hear. The book of Galatians was written to the church where people were turning back to their Jewish customs and practices in order to 'receive' salvation.  Time and time again Paul cries out to them basically saying "What the heck are you doing? You are so quickly turning away from the gospel that saves! The gospel that is grace and only grace! Do you wish to be enslaved all over again??" So that is totally para phrased but that is the gist of the whole book.

OK so last week I was really struggling with 'feeling' God and trusting that I was even his child.  Here is another benefit of being married- when you are seeking God together (no matter how broken your walk is) God in his grace often allows the other person to speak his truth directly to the one who is struggling. It's like the times I am really battling, DR is totally on fire and vice-versa. Anyways,  Sunday we looked at Galatians 4:8-11 "Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods.  But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you."  

Brad's message was incredible and I could type pages about it but I am going to try to summarize it the best I can. He started by telling us that although we can NEVER be separated from the love of Christ, we can choose, in our own mind's, to be enslaved by our sin all over again. This is a tragedy because we ARE set free by Jesus Christ! I don't know how many times I have said, 'I can't help that I feel this way', or 'This is just something I will always struggle with' We need to STOP living like we are a victim to something that we are set free from!!! It doesn't matter how we 'feel'. We can choose to have faith in God's word and God's word tells us to 'consider ourselves dead to sin'. For some reason many times after receiving God's salvation by his grace, we continue searching for freedom when it is ALREADY OURS IN CHRIST! There is no more 'right' books to read, or prayers to pray! We have a choice and it really is that simple! It has never been about us and what we can bring to the table so I'm not sure why after we start walking with Christ that we think we have to muster up all of these good deeds and rituals in order to 'feel' God or to be truly used by Him.

If you are like me, this will wash over your soul like a glass of much needed water. I was shown again how powerful God is in giving me these words on Sunday, exactly when I needed them! I will leave you with this-take God at his word! He is good for it. Let this be an encouragement to all of us who have grown weary by 'trying to do the right thing' for we can stop striving in vain. We can REST in Jesus and allow his life to live through us. God bless you all!

Here we go!

So I am not a writer by any means, although I have kept journals since I was 10. For some reason I can process through things better when I see it in writing. I thought it would be fun to join in the blogging world, although I am sure I do not know what I am getting myself into.

2010 was a BIG year for my family. My poor parents married off all 3 of us in 8 months! My brother was in March, sister in May, and I got married this past November. Marriage is amazing, but not easy. I definitely have learned A LOT about who I really am. A book I read when we first got married-Sacred Marriage-best book ever- had a quote in it that said this.."If God gave you a wedding gift, the gift tag would read 'Here is a mirror, a.k.a your spouse. Here's to seeing who you truly are" Haha I loved that! It is so true too. I think a lot of people go into marriage sadly thinking of all of the ways the other person will make YOU happy and focusing on the little things that THEY can change. O boy let me tell you, God has a sweet sense of humor! He will humble you very quickly. But praise God he gives us grace through the person standing next to us. DR (the sweet guy who I tricked into marrying me) is amazing. I mean I know it sounds cliche, but he is my favorite person. I know we haven't been married long but I can honestly say he is the best guy I know. He shows me Jesus constantly. I don't know how else he could love me the way he does if it weren't for the big God we serve. Now I am not naive, I know he is human and he struggles and fails as much as the rest of us, but for those of you who know our story, this makes it that much sweeter to see the depths God has brought us from.

Big changes have come this year, but like me and DR have constantly said over the last few months 'It's all good stuff'. I think as humans we inherently avoid change at ALL cost. I don't know why it so totally freaks us out, but it does. The verse that was on the front of our wedding program was this: Isaiah 43:18-19  'Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a NEW thing! Do you not perceive it?" This has been my anthem for the past year and a half. God has shown me time and time again that his plans are bigger than mine. The funny thing is that His are always so much greater than mine and I usually am kicking and screaming the whole way through. Thank you Jesus that you are a God that not only holds your arms out to your prodigal children but you run to them.

SO here is my first ever blog. I apologize for my ADD. It will be scattered across the pages of my blog I am sure :)